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If you ever wanted to live in a $5 million mansion that looks like Scarface and the Pope’s interior designers fucked and this came out, well here’s your chance to own this monstrosity out in Blue Bell. The former owner of the house was the strip club owner of Oasis Gentleman’s club and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie was rumored to be renting it while filming World War Z in Philly. Imagine the amount of orgies that went on in those rooms you’re bringing your family into. If you took a blacklight to the marble floor you’d probably find semen spread around like a Rohrshach Test. There’s probably cum on the chandeliers, cum on the TV’s, and cum on Benny Bull’s face right at halfcourt.

 

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Btw, who was this basketball court made for Bob Cousy? No 3 point lines, no key, half court is basically touching the foul line. No wonder this house isn’t selling. There’s a 3 point revolution going on in the NBA. How is a family supposed to buy this house if their children can’t practice 35 footers? Post moves and fundamentals aren’t going to pay the bills on this thing.

I’ve always wondered how houses like this don’t get robbed more. I understand gated communities and security and shit, but if I had a 14 room house and 30,000 square ft. to look after I’d  forget to lock a door once or twice. Just imagine all the people that come in and out of that house a day. Do you go around at night and make sure all the doors are locked and windows are shut? I feel like that would get old after awhile and you’d just give up. Do you hire someone to be your window and door guy? Do you just say fuck it and hope for the best you don’t wake up to the Manson sisters standing over your bed ready to murder you? At what point does the house just become a nuisance? I feel like if you have 14 rooms you definitely only get to 10 of them in a calendar year.

Remember when Evander Holyfield had that 109 room mansion down in Georgia that Rick Ross owns now? The electricity bills were $17k a month and it cost $1 million to operate per year. I mean that’s a fuck you house. 109 rooms?! Do you think Evander Holyfield sat his ass in all 109? I don’t think I’ve been in 109 different rooms in my whole life.